I got one brother, Timmy.  I loves Timmy with all my heart.  When we were growing up he was the best big brother in the world. He had six sisters, so you know growing up was hard for him with all those girls in the house, but he handled it well.  He loved us, made sure if anybody was messing with us, he beat the hell out of them, and if any guys looked at us wrong, all we had to say was "I'm going to tell my brother..." and they knew to back the hell up off of us.

But the one thing I admire most about my brother is that he takes care of his kids. He and his wife Diane have three beautiful babies, two daughters and one son (who looks just like Timmy's ass for the world).  My brother has done everything from working at a bakery to exterminating houses--at the same damn time--to take care of his kids.  (I hope he ain't put no rat poison in the sour dough bread on accident.)   He'll hold two or three jobs to make sure they don't just have what they want, but what they need.

Which is why the e-mail below really got under my skin:

Uncle Kathy, I need your help.  My older brother is 32 years old but he refuses to take care of all of his children.  He has three sets of kids by three different women, but he only takes care of the kids by the baby momma that he lives with now.  I spend time with my six nieces and nephews as much as I can since I don't have children myself. And for birthdays and holidays, I make sure to go all out, because I know my brother won't do it.  And his kids love him, especially the girls.  But he holds a grudge against the mommas, so he won't spend time with the kids.  I feel so sorry for the kids, because when I see them, they always ask for him, and I continue to make excuses for him. And he has a job, a car, an apartment with this last girl who has two kids for him, but those other kids, he won't even pick them up or take them anywhere. He pays child support and he feels like that's enough.  I've tried talking to him, but he tunes me out.  Is there anything I can do?

Sister in Crisis.

Oh baby, I can feel your pain. Because let me tell you something, my momma raised all of us as a single parent and my daddy didn't lift a finger to help her after they broke up. As long as they were together, he took care of us, but when she put him out for cheating (after she kicked his ass), he walked away and never looked back.  I can only imagine what my life would be like had I had him around on a regular basis encouraging me and my brother and sisters.  He came by not too long ago, before I moved to Baltimore, wanted my momma to fix him some gumbo. She told him to go to hell of course.  Left her with children to raise and ain't lift a finger to help now he wants to show up on the scene after we grown and got kids of our own and want a plate of food. I told her she should have prepared it and peed in it and let him eat it--and to make things even better--sent him home with a to-go Tupperware plate.  But she had just left church and didn't want to block her blessing.  OK, Uncle Kathy done went all off in the family's past, let me get back to your situation.

Your brother is sorry. I don't know how Uncle Kathy can put it other than to say that negro (whether he black, or white, or other, it don't matter).  If you got kids and you a man who ain't handicapped and you ain't taking care of them, somebody ought to handicap your ass!  Cause you ain't worth a buffalo nickle.  Kids need their daddy. Parks is free.  Pools is free.  Hell, the zoo don't cost but $2 damn dollars. He could pick those kids up once a month and spend time with them and it wouldn't cost him much.  But he is selfish and sorry and trifling.  I hope Uncle Kathy ain't offending you, but sometimes, you just gotta call a spade a spade.  And that negro is the ace of spades!

This is a sore spot with Uncle Kathy as you can see. What I would advise you to do is get your momma, if she is still living, involved and you sit down with your brother and talk to him about what he's doing and how it's hurting those children.  Because your brother seems to think it's still about him, and it's not, it's about those kids. 

You can also plan stuff at your momma's house and have all the kids come over, then invite your brother, that'll force that shifty rascal to spend time with the children. Hopefully, one or two of those Sunday dinners at momma's with the kids will make him want to spend more time with him.

And if none of that works, put that negro in a head lock and beat some sense into him.  If you can't fight, call Uncle Kathy, I ain't beat up a man in years. I might be a little rusty, but I bet I can take him!

OK, Uncle Kathy is settled in Baltimore and ready for more e-mails. So if you got a situation you need advice on or you need help handling your mother in law (Sheletta, I read that blog about how she is over there kicking your ass, she'd better be glad I ain't closer--otherwise I'd be there to lay down the law!  It's sad, but it's funny too! She told you to stop talking and put some food in your mouth!  Ha ha ha!! Uncle Kathy had to laugh at that one!), e-mail my darling niece at sheletta@msncom and you might get selected for next week's advice column.  In the meantime, stay out of jail (Sheletta, don't you pull the plug on that woman's oxygen!) everybody.