OK, so we're in Houston on vacation! I wasn't gonna say that we were out of town--cause I ain't want my neighbors to take the liberty of going in my house and "finding" some things they've been needing! Namely my big screen television and my jewelry!  But I had to take a break from what I was "gonna" tell y'all about this morning and tell y'all about my husband and his "showering" experience at my momma's house!

So we're on a shoe-string budget... with airline ticket prices through the roof and my net income as a stay at home mom of "zero", we're lodging at momma nems and have commandeered the spare car (Who in the hell has a spare car? I think my momma and daddy have hit the lotto or something) to save cash!

Momma had my old room all decked out, new bed, fancy dresser, nice linens that match the curtains... But ain't that a bitch though?  When I was a teenager, my sheets never matched, I slept in the same damn twin bed I had when I was 5 years old that I shared with my brother... the pillowcase was flowered, the sheets were striped and the curtains had polka dots on them.  But now we got pillow-top mattresses and a "bedroom set".  Why she wait until I leave to get fancy, huh? That's all I'm saying...

So anyway, we wake up this morning, feed Andrew, trying to get an early start on the day so we can get out and do a few things before the heat chokes the life out of us around noon time.  Any of y'all every been in Texas in July you know it can be brutal. It's so hot down here,  when we arrived, Andrew got a heat rash the minute we got off the plane.  I mean literally, walking from the airport baggage claim department to my father who was waiting outside to pick us up--my son bumped up! We thought he had measles!

We're already stuffed full with my  mom's home cooking. We arrived to a hot pot of smothered chicken and red beans and rice! Now, that's living...

Anyway, back to this morning, so we wake up, Andrew's eating breakfast, Shawn declares, "I'm going to take a shower." So he's off to the restroom, he emerges 15 minutes later and declares "I feel like I have spiders crawling all over me."

I look at my husband and he got little blue balls of thread all over his body.  He's standing there with his arms outstretched as if something was really crawling all over him!

I turned on the light and examined his skin--and realized my momma's cheap a$$ towels had gotten him!  He bathed with soft soap and then dried off with one of them big fluffy towels--but what he didn't realize was that the towels were light and fluffy for a reason--the threading ain't a real high count.  Instead of 300 or 400, it's probably 20 or 30! 

The towel my husband used to dry off literally unraveled on his skin.  He was swatting at his arms and shaking his legs yelling "Get it off of me.  Hurry. It's gonna bite me and I don't have my mosquito repellent."

Man I was on the floor. I searched through our luggage and found a lent roller.  I just took it and rolled it all over his body.  That's the only thing that could save him from the netting of blue webs that had covered his body. And they were er'rewhere, I mean ER'REWHERE!  I had to lift up his "boys" and get down there!  I went through four or five sheets of lent rollers before he was spider web free!

He was walking through here like he was Spider Man. I was singing the theme song for him and laughing my a$$ off. But it ain't bout to be funny for too long--cause I gotta hop my a$$ in the shower next. I might have to go ahead and air dry!

But I know which towels to pick now. I'm digging deep in the linen closet to find towels that have old cigarette burns on 'em and the blue towels that have been accidentally cloroxed over the years so now they are lavendar colored, or look polka dotted with all the patches of "white" on 'em.  Now mind you, I can stick my fingers through the holes and they are thinner than a Saltine cracker--but I damn sure ain't gonna have no spider webs on me all day long...