So we're at Andrew's birthday party in Houston last Saturday, and it's hotter than a fat woman at a picnic in the dessert.  I mean it's Africa Bambada and the Zulu Nation hot. Shawn's sweating so hard looks like somebody is pouring water on his head. Andrew looks like he has the measles because he's got a heat rash... but we're outside, having the time of our lives--cause my momma and daddy threw my son a kick ass two year old birthday party. 

I'm talking those folks, Grandma and Grandpa had water slides, pools (several) swing sets, slides, teeter-totters--you name it--they had it.  Food, drinks for kids and grown ups--oh my goodness--the fun was off the hook for all involved.

Usually, at birthday parties, the adults have to supervise the kids--but Saturday--the kids were having so much fun--they forgot they had parents--they were off in the pool, on the water slides. They were having too much fun. I told my momma they should set up like that every week and charge admission, call it 'Granny Land' and charge extra for food and drinks.

It was good to see all my kin folks and relatives!  I was especially happy to see my cousin Nikki.  She and I were raised like sisters and we don't often get to sit down and hang out.  She's got teenagers--and for some CRAZY AZZ reason--she let her husband talk her into getting pregnant again--so now she's got an 18 year old, a 17 year old and a damn 4 year old.  Now what kind of sense does that make? She was home free!!!

Now Nikki is the type of cousin that will fight somebody if they mess with you.  She's also the cousin who will bust your man in the mouth if she catches him out talking to some other woman--even if it is his sister--they'd better be both wearing the family reunion t-shirts--and have a DNA sample available for her inspection. Nikki is straight up old school--ready for a fight--looking to kick ass and take names later (ala Uncle Kathy in her prime)!

And Nikki is older, she has grown kids--and this 4 year old--is stretching her nerves a bit thin.  She's gotten over the toddler stage once--and now to be going through it again at her age--she's on some heavy medication--and some (il)legal marijuana to help her cop with the drama of a 4 year old daughter.

And Janice, her baby girl is cute too. Looks just like her momma and cusses like a sailor (Remember the old blog "That's Fucked Up Josh"?  That was Janice being real "honest" with her older brother).    Hey, in our family, that's what you do when you're 4 years old, you cuss folks out!  It's what makes us who we are...

OK, so it's taking me a long ass time to tell this funny story, OK, I'm getting to the good part.

So the kids are playing in the pool and me and my cousin Nikki are sitting there talking and all of a sudden, her 4 year old runs up to her and then, out of no where, Janice starts screaming. I look down to see if one of those Texas sized mosquitoes has taken a chunk out of her leg--and I see brown stuff sprinkled on her thigh. 

I look at Nikki and I'm like "What's going on?"

"That girl," Nikki yelled out in frustration, "she done ran into my cigarette."

Nikki was sitting there, puffing on a $6 pack of Newports when her daughter darted out of the water looking for a piece of candy.  Nikki wasn't even half way finished with her cancer stick when Janice bumped into it and got it all wet.

Instead of my cousin tending to her daughter who had just been burned by a cigarette butt, she jumped up and tried to dry of the remaining part of the cigarette that hadn't been wet up yet!  And girlfriend was cussing the whole time, "Damn, I wish these kids would watch where they are going. Cigarettes ain't cheap you know.  Hell, they cost $6 a pack. I just bought these! I'm going over on the other side of the yard under the shade tree to finish this one."

And she got her happy a$$ up and walked to the other side of the yard, lawn chair and cigarette in hand to finish getting her puff on.  Never mind that little Janice was standing there, leg could have been on fire, it didn't even matter.  Thankfully, she caught the side of the cigarette and only got a few ashes on her thigh! 

Funny thing is, Nikki sat over there, all by herself, trying to smoke that wet a$$ cigarette--the whole time she was scowling at Janice!  Me and one of my girlfriend's Fanchon picked up on it and had a good laugh.

"Girl, is she still mad because that baby bumped into her cigarette?" Fanchon asked me.

"Look at her. Janice done gone off to play on the slide--it's been a good ten minutes--and Nikki is still rolling her eyes at her." I responded.

Nikki picked up on the conversation, "Hey, I hear y'all talking about me over there." she yelled across the yard, "And the answer is yes. Hell yeah I'm still mad."

We all busted out laughing...