I was on the phone with one of my friends the other day who was crying about their spouse--how their better half had turned into their worst nightmare!  Marriages go sour--and it's not to say that either one of 'em ain't try--but sometimes things just ain't meant to be.

I always encourage folks to stay together--unless there are a$$ whoppings involved--then I encourage folks to start shooting and ask questions later!  But if and when my friends come to me and say "I wanna leave my husband!" 10 times out of 10, I'm like "Girl, let's work this out.  What can you do differently? Can y'all go to counseling?  What about those kids?"

Now, I've had some friends get divorced, and I don't mind helping 'em pack up and get the hell out of dodge--but my preference is that they stay and work it out. 'Cause that's what I'd want somebody to advise my husband to do.  And I'm sure he's calling his friends on a bi-weekly basis crying and asking "Can't I leave her country a$$?  She ain't even got a job--she ain't as pretty as she used to be and she's twice the woman now than when I met her." And to his defense, I've tripled my size--but he married me for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, for thinner or for fatter!  The thinner and fatter were in there, they were just silent during the ceremony, it was kinda "understood"!

But this week, I went into crisis mode when one of my friends called and said someone was "pursuing" them at the office. Making some serious advances that they were having a hard time brushing off. They kinda enjoyed it--and wanted more of it.  I had to put the brakes on that conversation and tell my good friend they were way out of line!

My friend asked me, "Oh, so you telling me that you ain't never thought about cheating on Shawn? The thought never crossed your mind?"

"Hell no!" I emphatically denied.

"How can you be so sure it won't happen in the future?" my friend asked.

"I can't and won't ever cheat on my husband," I assured my bosom buddy, "because that would be all he needed to divorce me.  My cheating would only aide to him getting his freedom. And I don't want that!"

We both busted out laughing.  

If a man even looked at me and winked, I'd call the laws and tell 'em I was being sexually harassed and felt threatened. 

If some brother tried to "holler" at me, I swear to y'all, I'd shoot him in the mouf and run off screaming bloody murder.  Cause I'm trying to preserve my marriage.  If Shawn even thought I was cheating, he'd try to leave--he's looking for an out. 

And I ain't trying to move back to my momma's house over no bull$hit.  And I ain't going back to work for NOBODY!  I'm officially retired from the work world.  I ain't gonna go back to picking cotton and punching a time clock for a one-night stand.  Oh no baby!  That ain't 'bout to happen. 

The other night, Shawn and I were watching VH1 and they had a special on Black Music for June ('cause June is Black Music Month) about the blues.  And it was either BB King or Johnny "Guitar" Watson or somebody--singing one of those old blues songs and the first lyric out of his mouth was "My baby left me and I'm so sad and miserable..."

Shawn and I locked eyes before the singer could belt out the second verse and we busted out laughing.  "I know what you're thinking," I yelled out, "you're thinking 'This ain't the blues, this is a celebration.  Why is he sad? His woman just left.  It's time to rejoice.'"

He was choked; he couldn't even respond. 

He wants his freedom so badly he can taste it.  But it ain't gonna happen for him. Not now, not ever. I done told him, this marriage ain't got but two ways out (it's like a bad drug deal). It's either death or jail--and if the judge shows him some leniency during his sentencing, I might wait him out!

He's locked into this thing. I told him, he should have been more selective about who he had unprotected sex with and he wouldn't be in this situation now.  He should be the poster child for Lifestyle Condoms!