A 20 minute one way conversation is what I had with my husband last night before I realized he wasn't listening to a damn thing I said!  I knew something was up, 'cause I was confessing to spending some money I didn't have and needed him to bail me out.  I was expecting him to throw a shoe at me or something, but he just said "Oh, OK honey! Let me know what you need." I knew right then, his a$$ wasn't paying attention.   Shawn came home from work early last night, changed clothes and scarfed down dinner--before posting up on the couch with a diet Pepsi in one hand (he accidentally bought them at the grocery store and didn't realize it was "diet" until he got home--and groceries are too expensive to waste) and the remote in the other.  It's like he built this invisible wall around himself. 

Between cleaning up from dinner, getting Andrew's poopy pamper out of the house (before it had my entire block smelling like a zoo), and getting him ready for bed, I didn't realize the NBA playoffs had started.

I'm really into basketball myself, but hell, being a stay at home momma, I ain't got time to watch no television, read the paper--let alone keep up with when the playoffs take place.  I just found out yesterday the first series are over, and they are in the second tier of playoff games.  Child, time is passing by me so fast, I thought we were in football season.  I'm looking for John Madden and Pat Summeral to announce the NFL games  on Fox--instead, I got Charles Barkley, EJ and Kenny Smith on TNT telling me about Cleveland and Boston! 

I looked at my son and said "Baby, say good-bye to your father. We won't be talking to him again until the NBA finals are over."

I done lost my husband y'all--and I'm sure I ain't alone...

I remember when Shawn and I were dating, and the NBA finals began. He was living in Houston and I went to his apartment to hang out with him and get me "some".  Child, he wasn't having it. He treated me like a wet food stamp, ain't wanna have nothing to do with me. I thought "Surely, he got an outside woman!" I left in a huff when he wasn't impressed with the (very uncomfortable) lingerie I was wearing under my clothes.  I hid in the bushes for hours thinking he had another woman coming over.  Little did I know (until I got poison ivy and THEN turned around and damn near died of West Nile because the mosquitoes ate through my flesh down to the bone), he was in love with the NBA.

That man is a basketball fanatic!  He can't get enough of the NBA--especially the playoffs. Being from Ohio, he's 110% behind Cleveland and loves himself some LeBron James!  He's got jerseys, caps, hats, underwear, the LeBron dolls from the NBA store!  It's crazy!!

And they got more basketball games on now than you can shake a stick at.  The games come on every freaking night, starting at 7 o'clock--and they're doubling up--so that there are games on until at least 11 every night. Then, add to that an hour of post game coverage--that negro ain't coming to bed until about 12:30 or 1 in the morning.  I ain't had no sex since the playoffs started.  I need to talk to Commissioner David Stern and ask him if they can put these games on during the day, while my husband is at work; cause the NBA is putting our marriage in jeopardy!

That's probably part of Shawn's plan though--he's hoping that I get so frustrated that I leave.  But I don't have the time to stalk another man into submission--poke holes in the condom and trap him into getting me pregnant and then feeling obligated to marry me.  Knowing I have bad credit, no steady income and am on medication. That takes too much time and effort!  And he was the only one foolish enough to fall for it. Any other man will just google my a$$ and know I'm crazy!

But I fooled his a$$!  You see what time this blog posted, don't you? I drank three cups of coffee between 8 o'clock and midnight and took an "upper".  When he got to bed I was wired like a stolen Cadillac in the projects!  I jumped on him like a spider monkey!  By the time I was done, we both needed a Newport, and we don't smoke...

I just had to come down here and tell y'all what happened... I'm taking my black a$$ to bed!