That's what everybody in my damned family is asking me.  Because my son is 2 1/2 years old and not potty trained, they want to have Andrew tested to make sure he ain't slow.  If he ain't a little "behind" they are convinced that I'm the laziest momma in the damned free world.

According to my momma, mother-in-law, and best friend Fanchon, Andrew should have been potty trained a year and a half ago.  I tried y'all, I really did, but at one year old, my son just didn't get it.  He peed in his big-boy Elmo under pants every single time.  He was like "Hey, what the hell? Why don't these drawers hold the pee in like my pampers do? And why aren't they lined with cotton? I'm catching too much air down here!"

After about three hours and five puddles of yellow water, I gave up potty training and put him back in his pampers.

The other day, I was talking to my grand momma who just thought I was the laziest momma alive cause Andrew wasn't going on "the potty".  So, I went to Target, bought him some big boy Elmo underpants and told him "If you gotta potty, tell mom and dad. Don't pee-pee in your big boy underpants." And he got it instantly!  I ain't have a thing to worry about.  He ain't had one accident since then. He's going on the potty, not wetting his big boy underpants and tells us every time if he has to "go".

I decided to call my girlfriend Fanchon to tell her about her god-son's accomplishment and she was unimpressed, "He ought to be peeing on the pot. Took y'all long enough!  Hell, he's 12 years old at this point. His underpants are the same size as Shawn's!"

"Yeah," I quipped, "I wash their drawers together when I"m doing laundry.  And you're right, they are the same damned size.  Sometimes I get them mixed up. In fact Shawn's at work right now with Elmo underpants on and Andrew is wearing Jockey's."

That girl laughed so hard she hung up in my face and called back.  "I didn't need that visual," she choked out through the laughter, "I didn't need to visualize Shawn at work with Elmo drawers on in a business meeting with a three-piece suit on. I ain't never gonna be able to look at him the same again!"