Shawn has a big 10-gallon bucket that he keeps on his side of the bed. When he gets off from work every day--he drops his "spare change" in it. Well, times is hard right now--and I had to extract some of those pennies to pad my checking account. The coins were all the way to the top--but when he came home the other day--the quarters he threw in there hit the bottom. Needless to say--he's pretty pissed...   more »

'cause I ain't seen my husband naked since the DAY BEFORE Andrew was born. Andrew has been sleeping in the bed with us since we brought him home from the hospital--it was cute at first--but now that he's taking up most of the bed--and half my booty cheek is hanging off the bed--something has GOT to give...   more »

or just "developmentally challenged"? Today is the second anniversary of Hurricane Katrina--and while more than two thirds of New Orleans residents can't come back home, he is praising all the "progress" that's been made since the disaster happened.  What kind of meth is he smoking? Ain't but six damn schools in the whole city and those are laced with arsenic cause they weren't properly cleaned out after the storms.  Half the city is without drinkable water... the other half is without electricity. More than 30-percent of the residents who DID come back home are living in FEMA trailers riddled with asbestos and other cancer causing agents. 

New Orleans has more homeless people now than ever before in the city's history.  The levees are still below standard--if someone spits on the ground--there is a serious threat of flooding again.  There are no jobs--there is no more "road home money" to help people rebuild their houses--and illegal immigrants have taken over the city looking for construction jobs that just aren't there.  No money, no jobs, no hospitals, no schools. 

And what's really pissed me off is that last week, when hurricanes hit Mexico--ole' Bushy-boy promised the president of that country that the United States would help them rebuild. 

How are we going to rebuild someone else's country when part of New Orleans looks like Hurricane Katrina hit it just yesterday.  Any way we can get Bill Clinton back in office?  At least he ACTED like he cared...

pee at the airport no moe. Did y'all see that nasty a$$ senator from Idaho who got caught in the men's restroom at Minneapolis Airport wookin' pa nub in all the wrong places? He trying to get somebody to play with his "frog" in the stall. But he's not gay--oh hell no--he said he ain't even really guilty. Although he copped a plea! According to him--it was all a misunderstanding. How can you misinterpret "Excuse me, will you please s()* my d)*&?"   more »

and take her to the damned grocery store. If I have to ride behind one more little old lady with blue hair who can't see over the steering wheel of her Cadillac--driving 10 miles per hour on the highway in the fast lane--I'm going to hurt somebody!    more »

but he can't have one. Why? Because these "outside women" in Minnesota want to be the "inside woman". These heffas want my spot--like Flash wanted Eddie King's spot in The Five Heartbeats... instead of singing back up and learning the dance moves--they want to be SINGING LEAD--wearing the glitter outfit. And I'm sorry--but the spot of lead singer has already been filled!!    more »

it usually is! We recently had a news story where a burglar broke into a house--the door was unlocked--there was a couple asleep in the home--the intruder stabbed the husband to death--the WIFE "pretended" to be asleep until the burglar left the home--and then she called police. Something smells a little fishy to me...   more »

absolutely puzzles me. Rich folks going crazy rubs me the wrong way too. Hell, if I can handle being broke and I don't jump off a bridge--I can handle a fist full of hundred dollar bills just fine. I don't understand it when folks like Dave Chapelle lose all their marbles and escape to "Africa"--not when he got $50 million dollars in the bank. If it were me, I'd be sleeping outside the teller machine every night...   more »

and you die! I was going to breakfast with my friend Lindy--the health nut--last week and she wanted to cook me some turkey bacon. I told her the only way I want my turkey is in the shape of a leg--hot off an outdoor grill, wrapped in foil, dripping in fat-grease loaded down with cajun sauce!   more »

should just be "mean". I'm tired of these old women being evil and hateful all their lives and once they sign up for AARP--they wanna all of a sudden be sweet and gentle--trying to get into heaven! Just like my granny Anna Dean--mean as a cobra until she was 65, now, gentle as lamb.   more »

and got a velvet rope in the frozen food section--cause they are so "high post" these days--it's ridiculous. There is a store near my house called Byerly's--I gotta have on an after-five gown and dress Andrew in a baby tuxedo just to go shopping! And we ain't even gonna talk prices... as my grandmother used to say--"They are higher than giraffe pu$$y..."   more »

is racist as hell! I was reading one of 'em to Andrew the other day and I had to pause--and figure out what the hell was going on. It's a book about a white man who captures a curious little "monkey" in Africa--brings him to America--and keeps him in a cage. All the stories are about the "monkey" trying to escape to freedom! Is this Curious George--or Chicken George? You make the call!   more »

One of the reporters with the Pioneer Press in Saint Paul called last week--asking about what I thought about the Mattel toy recall. I told her "I'm running out right now and getting all the lead based items--make Andrew lick on 'em--then call my attorney to get that class action lawsuit started! If it's made in China--it's part of his college tuition program!" Click more to read entire article...   more »

that could have happened to old a$$ men--cause it got them forgetting that they got one foot on the grave and another on a banana peel. Case in point--I went to see Tom Joyner's sky show in Cleveland--Charlie Wilson was dressed like he was 15 years old. Went to Essence in New Orleans and Ron Isley had on Cross Color jeans and a throwback jersey. I blame Viagra for it all...   more »

that's going to be the name of my comedy tour whenever I get my butt back on stage doing stand up routines. 'Cause growing up in the projects has completely shaped my life and the way I think about everything. Which is why I have a hard time paying for EVERYTHING in my grocery store shopping cart. I got my own coupons--they're called the five finger discount!   more »

in my account! Can y'all believe somebody actually tried to hack into MY bank account? They must have just been practicing--cause the $3 I had in there before the violation happened are still there now. I bet there were calling me all kinds of "broke b(*^es"--ha ha ha--egg on their faces!   more »

I blame her friends for not telling her that she looked like a big a$$ bottle of Pepto Bismol! 'Cause surely she ain't know how she REALLY looked in this sexy two piece bathing-suit. I feel her pain though--cause since I've become a "big girl" I often need guidance and direction. What I wore at a size two ain't so sexy at a size 12. Can someone come out with a Big Girl Manual? That way we can avoid this from ever happening again!   more »

I had breakfast yesterday wtih my girlfriend Toni who had just gotten back from the National Association of Black Journalists' conference in Las Vegas. She was all glowing (so I know she got her "some"--'cause ain't nothing like a little "hanky panky" at a conference with somebody you won't see again for a few years).  She won a national award for her work.  Toni is a wonderful anchor and reporter for Minnesota Public Radio.  She did a story on Liberian immigrants--and a new commission that was formed to help chronicle their journey into America. 

I'm so proud of her--for the work that she does.  But most of all--I'm proud of her for treating for breakfast yesterday so I wouldn't have to write a hot check.  For more on Toni's award, click here.

Obamma is gonna slap the hell out of Hillary at one of these presidential debates. The former first lady is always clowning and trying to make him look bad. Y'all know a brother ain't gonna take too much lip from nobody--and then she does this--in public--and his momma 'nem are watching. I hope she knows how to bob and weave...   more »

I'm losing all my friends and my family members are disowning me. I showed a photo of my best buddy Chris and his man purse--he ain't called me since and won't answer the phone.    more »

in a hairy pickle. Literally! This boy is moving around so much--I can't take him anywhere anymore. I put him down in one spot--two seconds later he's clear across the room. It got so bad yesterday that when I went for my bikini wax I was only able to get one side done! I guess I'll braid that other side and put some beads on it like Venus at Wimbledon in 2001--at least until I can find a sitter.   more »

I remember when we got ready to get married--Shawn tried to get sick! Acted like he was just about to die--fever--throwing up--short winded--hives. Anything that would keep him from marching down the aisle. I told that negro I did NOT care about his health and well being--if I had to get a wheelchair, hook up some oxygen and rub him down with Calamyne lotion--he was gonna get to that altar and marry me!   more »

those are the words my cousin Nikki's two year old daughter said to her brother when he tried to sneak out of the house--without taking her to the store for candy. When I thought my cousin would reprimand her--she applauded Lil' Momma's inner strength.    more »

My friend Michael and his lovely wife Harriet recently gave birth to a baby girl...on June 3 Kenya Jay Stewart was born, she was 7 lbs 6.5 oz. 19 inches long.  She is now 8 weeks old.  I didn't think I could find a kid cuter than my Andrew--but she just might have him beat.

That's what Shawn asked me when he came home from work and Andrew had about $300 worth of new toys. My husband--bless his heart--he trusted me with a credit card. He gave it to me so he could keep up with my "purchases". Yeah right...   more »

The bridge collapsed in Minnesota earlier this week--several people died--almost a hundred folks in the hospital with injuries. It is a sad situation--but I can't help but be a little "pissed off" at how the president rushed down to the scene--Congress rushed a bill through for funding and they already have a PLAN to get the bridge back up by 2008. Hey--hey everybody--they still ain't got a plan for New Orleans!   more »

or real damn dumb! Now--she and I work together--and I had her come in for me--just for a couple of hours while I "took a break"--child, I had to go and get some clothes altered--but I couldn't leave the newsroom alone. I told her "If anything happens... call me!" When breaking news took place, she called our boss who was confused as to why she was even at work...   more »

Case in point--every Tuesday Andrew and I attend baby story time at a bookstore--I push my baby stroller inside--put a lock on it and dare anybody to look at it. All the white ladies just park their $300 buggies out front with no protection! $hitttt--they must be crazy!   more »

is trying to send me back to work y'all! Out of the clear blue sky--he's taking me and Andrew to day care centers--to find one that livess up to my expectations. Now why are we going to child care providers when I have clearly retired to be a stay at home mom. Something is fishy... Can you smell what Shawn is cookin' up?   more »

I was riding shot gun with my good buddy Marty one day in his sports car and he was doing about 110 miles per hour. The cops pulled up and I thought surely he was going to get a ticket for speeding and NOT wearing a seat belt--but to my surprise--the officer gave him a "warning" and told him to "watch it". Black folks--we never heard of a warning--the only warning we get from cops is "Stop, or I'll shoot!"   more »