There is a couple here in Minny that got a check for $2.6 million in the mail from the state--they of course got mad niggerish with it and cashed it at the liquor store--bought a bunch of cars--went on a shopping spree and got Direct TV for everybody in the projects. Now--they facing like 15 years in jail. I'm glad the check ain't come here--cause I surely would be in the same situation!   more »

to have a flat tire before in my life. It prevented me from going to the dentist! I absolutely hate the dentist--which is why I got like 10 extra teeth in my mouth--my husband calls it the "mezanine" level (that ain't love y'all). But I tell you what--I can go toe-to-toe with a vampire and hold my own ground!   more »

that they are black! 'Cause some of y'all raising your kids--and they have know idea they are colored! Case in point: my friend Tina lives in a very 'foo-foo--shi-shi' suberb of Denver and they are the only black folks in the neighborhood. Her daughter Theresa has no idea that she's black! She asked her momma the other day what "hip hop" was! And then when Tina took her to the beauty shop to get her hair pressed--she had no idea what to expect!   more »

'cause if she had somebody on her job like my momma--she'd have (in the words of my grandmother) a "well whooped ass". Someone like her is the prime reason for workplace shootings! I saw how she talked to that poor little white girl the other day on The View--and I can't believe somebody didn't crawl across that table and choke the $hit out of her.   more »

This summer, Shawn and I are going on vacation with his brother Todd and his wife April. I love 'em to death and I know we're gonna have a good time with ONE exception! Problem is--they are both gym rats--work out Nazi type folks... both of 'em got six packs and can pull an 18-wheeler 50 feet across a paved road. Meanwhile me and Shawn work out too--lifting that heavy fork full of rice and gravy up to our mouths every day!   more »

'cause otherwise he is gonna wind up like my aunties--splitting up verbs like a chef at Benihana! Them women--I love 'em to death--but them and grammar--they just don't mix. Case in point: my Aunt Mary Joe called to SRV (NOT RSVP) for a baby shower my girlfriend threw me in Houston!   more »

But I'm over here with a sick baby and he's crying like somebody just told him Shawn ain't his real daddy (Shhhhhhh--keep that on the low--I don't want Michael Jordan to find out the truth). Anyhoo, I got a few little tid-bits 'bout Jamie Foxx, Dave Chapelle and Nelly in South Africa--that's all in today's gossip!   more »

So Andrew had been struggling with what we thought was a cold. We had given him everything from Vicks Vapor Rub on his chest to momma's old school "onion hanging over the bed" remedy--neither of which worked--but they both left my house with a putrid smell. But by the grace of God yesterday--we found out it was an infection!   more »

I understand it's "the style"! I was getting my eyebrows waxed the other day--and the gal bent down to get me a towel out of the cabinet and I saw a little too much of her backside!!   more »

I need y'alls help. My poor son is so congested--he's got snot dripping out of his nose and his chest is full of flem. The doctor's line is busy--I left a message! And God forbid--I made the mistake of calling my mother in law and my own damn momma last night--and my house smells like garlic and onions--cause that's what I had hanging over his bed for 10-hours. SURPRISE: neither of those ghetto remedies worked.   more »

I talked to my cousin Nikki yesterday--cause her little baby girl just turned 2 years old and they threw her a party at the park. Complete with a DJ from the juke joint they go to every Friday night, some rappers got up and spit hot fire and they were serving jello shots--along with a full bar and oh yeah--somewhere in there was a birthday cake for the kid.   more »

the cold shoulder. Y'all know Andrew and I attend a baby play group every Tuesday--and the last class was yesterday. Well, all the moms in the group decided they'd continue meeting for the summer--except they forgot to invite us. The cat slipped out of the bag during class yesterday--cause they was trying to keep it on the low. I ain't gonna lie--my feelings are hurt--and I considered putting them heffas tires on flat!   more »

For killing a department store sales clerk. I was shopping for a sundress in a size 10--'cause that's what size I wear--but nothing fit--they were all too tight! That heffa clerk asks me if I wanna try a 12! She put her life on the line!   more »

'Cause I be fighting b(*^es for my man. I swear, when I first came to Minnesota--women were lined up trying to get at Shawn--but I quickly shut it all down. Why? 'Cause he is a damn good man! Take Mother's Day weekend for instance--I got a new deck for the house, an all day train ride through northern Minnesota--was given the credit card and told to go "shoe shoppin"--then ON TOP OF ALL that, he went shopping for me and got me some clothes. I told him if he ever leaves, I'm going with him!   more »

I was sitting in Red Lobster last night when couple walked in dining right before their big prom date. The white guy had an afro bigger than Dr J back when he was playing ball for the 76ers--bruh man was sporting a white tux with black pin-stripes. His date looked like she had a table cloth on covered by some of Big Momma's kitchen curtains. What is it about prom that makes you lose all your fashion sense?   more »

My husband loves women--always have--always will. And true to form, the fruit don't fall too far from the tree. Andrew is a "ladies man"--at a mere 9 months old--he has tongue kissed at least 3 chicks, felt up a middle aged woman and got every little girl in our play group 'crawling' after him...   more »

I thought labor pains were bad--until I got the new Brazilian wax that everyone is getting. My husband thought it would be "sexy" to do! He is not the one with 3rd degree burns because the hot wax was a tad bit too "hot". From now on--I ain't trimmin' my sheep dog--he just gonna have to deal with the fur.   more »

One of the writers for the Saint Paul Pioneer Press is a faithful reader of the blog--she loves it so much that she called the other day to write an article about it. I was thrilled with the outcome of our conversation--my picture even made the front page (and it wasn't even in the Most Wanted section this time).   more »

Why are folks obsessed with Barbaro? Get over it he's dead. Not only is he dead--he's glue right now--my son and me used his remains last week to make a paper machete. It's not like the horse was that special--he couldn't even talk like Mr. Ed! And yet, every news channel in America did a special report on his life and how he was so brave for "living through the pain". Me having to talk to my mother in law on the phone every day--now that's "living through the pain".   more »

Y'all know I work in news--so I see the difference in the way police officers treat cases--in black and white. White man takes a family hostage--got rifles in the house and threatens to kill er'rebody in the world--they talk him down. Black man grabs the remote on his living room coffee table and the SWAT Team pump him full of lead!   more »

If there is anybody funnier or crazier than me it's that damn Kimberly--my homegirl from ATL. With a husband and two "tween" daughters--her life is always full of excitement. This weekend she went house hunting and got stuck out on a balcony--it was like an episode of "Survivor"--except she and her family were the only castaways. If you ain't peed--you'd better go to the bathroom before reading this story.   more »

Everything happens for a reason--I knew that--I've known that--but this morning--it was confirmed! Drew woke up fussing and crying so I did something I never do--came downstairs and turned on the television to rock him back to sleep. At 3 in the morning Oprah Winfrey was on Larry King Live and her words changed my life!   more »

I've had a pesky cold for at least two weeks--runny nose, congestion, sore throat--the whole 9-yards. Well, I'm in bed the other night--two steps from death cause I'm choking and can't get the flem out of my throat. Wellll, my helpful husband is too busy laughing to lend me a hand. Why? He's laughing at my "old lady sounds"...   more »

Shawn said he's tired of me blaming our son Andrew for my weight gain. He claims to have the answer as to why my clothes no longer fit: KRISPY KREME. He is guest blogging to tell you about my addiction to the flavorful donuts. (I'm telling y'all, it's like crack, I can't get enough of 'em! Perhaps they have a 12-step program somewhere.)   more »

Shawn and I went out the other night and I must have tried on a dozen outfits before I found one that could fit. Either the zipper was too far apart--or the button wouldn't connect with the hole. I think it's time for a new dryer--cause obviously the one we got is shrinking everything in my closet!   more »