I'm just gonna tell y'all, it is a lot easier to be a bad mommy than it is to be a good mommy.  I'm struggling, I really am... I constantly got two "Sheletta mommies" on my shoulders... and I never know which one to listen to.

The crazy "Bad Sheletta mommy" on the left has a tail on her backside and a pitchfork in her hand, the nice and sweet "Good Sheletta mommy"  on the right is sporting a white gown and wearing a halo... and them two heffas is doing battle.

My son Andrew wears me out... and sometimes, I wanna cut corners... you know, take shortcuts so I can get some stuff done. 

Like when I'm cleaning up or attempting to anyway... and Andrew is crying and cutting the fool cause he wants some "attention" from me.  Good Sheletta mommy says: Take a 15-minute break from dusting and cooking and cleaning and washing clothes and pick up my baby and play a game or read a book with him.  Now, Bad Sheletta mommy has a completely different philosophy... she's telling me: He had two hours of play time with mommy already.  He's dry, he's clean, he's fed and he's in the exersaucer that you paid $140 for so that he can entertain himself... if he keeps crying, give him some prescription cough syrup and put him to sleep for a few hours. 

The other day my son was sleeping peacefully in his swing.  I was sitting next to him taking a break and reading my latest edition of Oprah's magazine when I realized that I needed to run to the store and get an onion for dinner.  Good Sheletta mommy told me: Go and get the car seat, load him up and take him to the store with me while I went to get the one ingredient I needed for dinner.  Bad Sheletta mommy lives by a whole 'nother creed: It's 3-degrees-below-zero... it's gonna take 20 minutes just to get his coat on and get him loaded in the car.  When you get to the store, you gotta unload him, find a shopping cart that's child-seat friendly... and all that for an ONION?  Leave his butt in that swing... run to the store, grab the onion and hurry back... you won't be longer than five minutes and even if he wakes up... he's swinging, he'll be fine.

Now y'all know how much I love Oprah... I was wearing my favorite Oprah sweat shirt when I realized Andrew needed to have his diaper changed.  I brought him to the changing table... and took off his pamper... the moment I lifted that pissy pamper off his bum-bum... his little wanky-doodle shed a tear and next thing I know... he peed all over my sweatshirt.  Now, Good Sheletta mommy told me: Calm down, it's not a big deal.  It can be washed out. He's just a baby he didn't mean to do it.  But Bad Sheletta mommy was ready to throw down: No that nucka didn't!  Oh I'm bout to beat him like he stole something. He done peed on the queen? I don't think so... I'm gonna put him in baby time out... strap him in the car seat and turn him face the wall until his daddy gets home.  Shawn can deal with him then...

Good Sheletta mommy can usually talk some sense into me and stop me from putting my child in harm's way.... but sometimes, every now and again... Bad Sheletta mommy wins out and even though Andrew ain't coughing and shows no signs of the sniffles... he gotta take a "swig" of that prescription cough syrup.  Sorry son...

That's probably the reason my baby has his own case worker. I caught him calling social services the other day... he knows his own file number and everything... he was like "Hello... this is Andrew, client number 2358-A... I need to speak to my case worker Mrs. Johnson... my momma went to the club for her birthday and left me in the car.  Say what? Mrs. Johnson is on another line.  Well I'll hold..."