I told Shawn if our beloved Pastor Gallmon ever left Fellowship Missionary Baptist Church, I'd want to change memberships. Don't get me wrong, I love Fellowship and the church has been a blessing to me and my family, but it's at least 20 miles one way from the house and the choir is just average most Sundays. We really traveled all that way for the good preaching of Pastor Gallmon. But now that he's gone, I'm ready to bounce. He left this past February when his father died suddenly and moved back to Florida to be near his momma. Which anyone can understand--he's the oldest son--and feels the need to look after her in his father's absence.
I was sad to see him go, but excited about starting this new chapter in our lives. I was sure Shawn shared my desire to move to a new church home, some place closer, with a good group of folks that shared our Christian values. Well, Shawn wasn't having it, said he wanted to stay at Fellowship until they found someone new--and then give that new pastor 90 days to figure out whether we were going to be there for the long haul.
Well, weeks, turned to months and months turned to more months and FINALLY the church leadership has appointed a new minister to lead us until they actually hire someone full time. The interim minister is older than Moses and knew Jesus personally. Once we did some research on him, we realized he's old enough to be our grandfather's grandfather. Instead of finding someone who was young and charasmatic like our beloved Pastor Gallmon, they went and found us an old negro spiritual. Shawn looked at me and said "Baby, this is one indicator that it's time to start looking..." Thus, inspiring this week's Top 10: TOP 10 Ways you know it's time to start looking for a new church home:
10. When you'd rather go to the local Farmer's Market and look around for fresh lima beans than to go to church, you might want to start worshiping elsewhere. We've missed four Sundays in a row, and we ain't missed four Sundays of church in all our adult lives! But we got fresh beans in the freezer!
9. When you refer to the interim pastor as "The Rug Doctor" because he's 40 years older than the toupee he has on his head! It looks like black AstroTurf it's so thick--while his side burns are whiter than Brooke Shields! At least color the facial hair so it can match!
8. When the usher stops holding your favorite seats. We ain't been to church in so long, folks forgot we were still members. We got to church yesterday morning, and somebody was sitting where we've been sitting since we joined there four years ago! I guess they figure "You move, you loose..."
7. When the youth choir, young adult choir and senior choir all have the same members, then it's time to bounce!
6. When the person reading the church announcements starts out with "OK, everybody, wake up. I have some important things to tell you about..." and you hear people yawning, it's time to start looking elsewhere.
5. If you actually consider bringing a travel sized neck pillow to church, you might want to go someplace a little more lively. Honestly, I've had the best naps in my adult life since Pastor Gallmon left our church.
4. When the pastor says "Turn to your neighbor and say 'I love you...'" and you need a bullhorn to tell 'em, you might want to find out where everybody else went who was sitting in those empty seats! Cause they obviously know something you don't: IT'S TIME TO GET TO STEPPIN'!
3. If the interim pastor is older than Jesus, it's time for you to roll out. We need somebody who was born A.D. and not B.C.!
2. When you spend half your tithe money to pay for gas just to get to church and back home, it's time to move. We have a church right on our block that's almost completed (brand new facility--so they shouldn't start us off begging for the building fund)--wouldn't take but a few bucks to get there and back every Sunday. But to get to our church now is costing God too much money! It's cutting into His stash!
1. When you're in church with your husband and your 2 year old starts acting up--and you both start fighting to see who is going to be the one to take him out of church so you're not forced to sit there and listen to the sermon. The argument takes a turn for the worse when you agree to play "rock, paper, scissor" to settle this dilemma! Let's just say, Shawn was smart enough to pick paper, and I was dumb as a rock. He and Andrew went across the street to the neighborhood park while I was forced to sit there and listen to Moses tell me all about the burning bush.
