Shawn is coming to bed really late these days, and it ain't got nothing to do with the NBA playoffs.  He's avoiding having sex with me.  But too bad, that's part of his punishment for not cooking me cinnamon rolls.

When I moved from down south to Minnesota to be with him, the one thing that drew me here were his cinnamon rolls. Y'all already  know my husband cooks better than any woman I know, including my momma and her momma!  He's got a mean fried cabbage recipe, can bake a Cornish hen until it walks out of the oven and leaps in your mouth, and will fry the hell out of a chicken!  The boy is bad in that kitchen, let me tell you!  When I moved here, I was a size 4, my fat a$$ is a 14 now, and proud of it!

But of all his dishes, everybody who knows him loves his cinnamon rolls most of all.  I don't know where he got the recipe, but preparing those things is a labor of love for him.  From start to finish, it's a 5 hour process, and after working a long day, coming home and dealing with me and Andrew--he ain't got 5 hours to devote to dessert.

He doesn't understand how much I love those cinnamon rolls though!  I will walk over hot charcoal in kerosene underwear to get to one of those cinnamon rolls. They are butter flavored filled with nuts--flaky and sweet--but not too sweet. If you catch 'em hot out of the oven--they're like Lay's Potato Chips--you can't eat just one.  Every time we get out of town guests, their one request when they come up here ain't to spend time with Andrew--or go shopping at Mall of America--it's to get a batch of Shawn's famous cinnamon rolls.

Before Andrew was born, and he had more time, he was good about  making a batch or two every couple of months.  But with a new wife and child, it's more like once a year.  Well, that ain't good enough and I'm doing something about it....

I'm forcing my husband to have sex with me--that should light a fire under his a$$ and get him to put some flour and water together--and put it in the oven!  That's right, sex every night with his wife until I get me some cinnamon rolls!

No married man wants to have sex with his wife every night--but that's Shawn's punishment until I get a batch of my favorite sweet rolls.  He doesn't even come to bed some nights trying to avoid having sex with me--I gotta hunt around the house and find him to give him his punishment.  Yesterday, he was in his office sleeping with his head down on the desk like he was in 2nd grade taking a nap at school.  Night before last, he was in the television viewing room on the couch--sitting up with his eyes closed--sleep and snoring--upright I tell ya!  I'm not letting him escape his punishment!  It ain't right that he has the key to my happiness locked up in those cinnamon rolls and he refuses to bake me a batch!

But that's OK, he's already tired of seeing my fat a$$ naked every night--I can tell because last night--when I hopped on top of him--he started crying and damn near threw!  I'm making his stomach queasy--just like my stomach is queasy from not having those cinnamon rolls in it!

So, needless to say, I'm expecting my favorite sweet treats any day now...