Let me just say I know "high" when I see high!  I'm no weed head, well back in college I dabbled a little bit in the self-made cigarettes--but I wasn't a regular like some of my friends who kept a stash under their college dorm room beds. I never even bought the stuff, when I wanted some, I just went over the friend's house who was always high, waited for her to light up (she knowssssssssss who she is, I would say her name but she reads the blog every day and so do her co-workers, I don't want her to get drug tested).  She was always so kind and sharing--never made me pitch in on the stinky stuff!

But you can tell when folks are high, cause they look high, they smell high and they act high.  Marijuana makes folks move like they are going in slow motion.  Words are slurred and movement is slower than normal!  You ain't gotta smell it, you can see it!  High is as evident as skin color!

And it ain't just people, you can tell when animals are doped up too...

Since it hit a record 40 degrees the other day (that's springtime in Minnesota) Andrew and I ventured outside and visited the Como Park Zoo!  It's free, so you know that's right up my alley!

Andrew was excited because he loves animals, he reads about them in his books and he knows all his animal sounds... so to see them live and in living color... that was a real treat for him.  And I was excited too cause I wanted to see his reaction to the lions and tigers and bears (Oh my!).

We walked through the doors and I couldn't hear anything. It was like we had walked in a Buddhist temple and the monks were taking a vow of silence.  None of the animals were growling and few of them were even trying to move around in their cages.

Andrew saw them and got excited... "Mommy, lion... roarrrrrrrrr!" is what he yelled out when he wanted to go near the lion's den.  We walked over there and the lion was laying under the tree looking all sad and pitiful.  Andrew was yelling at the lion, making sounds, pointing--trying to get the fury dude's attention--but nothing doing.  The lion just sat there looking at Andrew with a blank look on his face.  I thought, "Man, his eyes are glazed over and he's lifeless, I've seen that somewhere before..."

But I just chalked it up as the lion being sleepy. Next, we went over to see the cheetahs.  Now y'all know cheetahs are known for running--the fastest animal in the wild--is what the sign said over their caged area.  When we looked over at them, they looked like the senior citizen cheetahs--they were moving slower than an old lady on a scooter!  They weren't running, hell as slow as they were moving, I don't even think it qualified as walking.  And when I looked at 'em, they had the same damn look as the lions--all subdued, glazed eyes, unaware of their surroundings!

Surely, the horses were galloping around.  We went there and the damn things were asleep, eyes wide open. One of 'em was even snoring.

Left that area, went to see the monkeys, none of 'em were swinging on the trees.  They were laid out man, playing with their feet, eating bananas!

The polar bears were so sweet, I let Andrew crawl in the cage with them and pet them on the back.  It was like the "lights are on but nobody's home"!  Andrew took one look at the bear, pointed to him, and told me, "Mommy, bear is sleepy."

That's much different when I was a little girl and we went to the zoo. It didn't just smell like a zoo, it sounded like one too!  Animals were growing and screaming and making all kinds of noises! The bears were vicious man.  They'd come right up to you and growl and try to bite your hand off.  Trainers were right there and had to pull 'em back. Monkeys were climbing the trees and swinging from limb to limb.  Giraffes were galloping--hell, even the alligators were swimming around--peeking over the top of the creek with those huge eyeballs!  The fish were swimming and the frogs were hopping around!

Just then it hit me, I figured out what was going on.  The animals are all doped up!  I'm talking more prescription pills than Marilyn Manson and Marilyn Monroe put together. 

I guess those vets got tired of getting their legs and arms eaten off.  They all got together and said "Look, let's get these damn tigers some weed and a few pills--some good ecstasy--and we can all go home at the end of the day with our arms and legs in tact." 

I don't blame 'em, hell, just last week, this guy was killed by a bear in California.  They don't call "wild" animals "wild" for nothing. 

I figure either we went to the zoo at nap time, or those were the laziest bunch of wild animals I've ever seen in my life...