I was gonna sign Andrew up for swim lessons at the YMCA. I told all the ladies at our Wednesday play group that we would be going to the "Y" so little Andrew could learn how to swim.

Man, I know, I'm nearly 40 and I can't swim. My momma was scared of water--her momma was scared of water--so they made sure I was terrified of water. I don't even draw a large bath--I'm scared to let the water get over my ankles or I will drown.

Plus--you know--or perhaps you don't know--sisters don't like to get their hair wet. I got that tight "Kunta Kinte" grade of hair. If my hair even sees water--it locks up like Ziggy Marley dread locks.  So I try to stay away from getting it wet.

But I ain't want my baby to grow up with the same fears that I had--so I figured we'd go to the local "Y" and get him used to being in the water.

Plus that's just something else fun to do with my little one--more "mommy baby bonding time".

Well, all the ladies in class kinda stuck their noses up in the air at me. I wasn't sure why that was the case.  They explained that the water at the "Y" isn't heated so when the kids get in the pools, they can't really enjoy themselves because it's too cold to do anything except freeze to death. 

They suggested I go to Foss Swim Academy (NOTE TO SELF: Anything that has "Academy" in the title is just a fancy way to charge you more damn money!)

I had no idea--I went and got my little $35 back from the "Y" and canceled our lessons--told them (in my most snooty voice) that my son and I would be going to the Foss Swim Academy.

I figured I'd only have to add a few more nickles to make up the difference in price--WRONG! And MORE wrong!

I went on over to Foss and they greeted us with a smile. They were all so nice and sweet.  They took Andrew and played with him--let him stick his toes in the pool.  They talked to me abou the importance of aquatics--and how it's good to ease their fears now of water.  I was very impressed... they even had tea and cookies for us to snack on.  Went on a tour--all the kids were happy and having a good old time.

I was hooked. "Where do I sign up?" I asked the girl (holding on to the $35 I had taken back from the "Y").

She pulled out some paper work asking for all the essential information.  I quickly filled it out--ready for Andrew to jump in the pool right then and there. 

So then I asked that all important question, "How much do I owe you for this?" pulling the $35 out of my pocket.

The girl smiled and in her most sincere voice said, "It'll be $203!"

I dropped the pen and looked her square in the eye, "For what?"

"For use of our facilites and the lesson." she responded, smiling like she ain't have no idea I was bout to slap hell out of her before I robbed the place--cause at least five people signed up before I did.

I had to be frank with her, "Listen ma'am, if I sign Andrew up and pay for these lessons today--he won't be able to eat this week and if he runs out of pampers before my next pay day--he'll be self-potty trained."

I got my baby and drug him out of there kicking and screaming!  Now mind you, I could have written a hot-check and enjoyed the classes until it bounced back to their offices--but I'm trying to do right.

Only way I can afford that damn swim "Academy" is to get out on the side of the street corner with a cardboard sign that says "Will work for swim lessons!".