I gotta get to Warren Ohio soon to see my mother-in-law. If I don't take Andrew to see her, she's gonna try to bring her mean hateful self here to Minneapolis--and I can't have her terrorizing me in my own home. She's an American terrorist... to hell with what you heard about Bill Ayers... my mother in law makes Osama bin Laden look like Gandhi. She keeps trying to convince me to go back to work, so Shawn can start sending her a stipend again. I keep telling her, I ain't 'bout to go back to the plantation for nobody. And every time I see her, she makes me pay for it...   more »

funny a$$ story that I had to share with y'all. When it happened, I laughed so hard that I needed a box of "Depends" to keep me in tact. It happened at my son's birthday party last week in Houston and involved my cousin Nikki, her two year old daughter, a kiddie swimming pool and a cigarette. Before you read this story--I'm warning you--go the restroom (Sheletta.com is not responsible for any soiled underwear as a result of reading the following blog)...   more »

every time I think about these insurance agencies that go after poor black folks! I recall back when I was 5 years old, the "insurance man" (as we would call him) from Golden State Insurance Company (black owned) would walk through every home in the projects collecting money from people (who couldn't afford it) for insurance policies. My damn crazy a$$ momma has been paying $50 a month for an insurance policy on me since I was born. Wanna know how much the damn thing is worth? $5,000! I'm 36 freaking years old--you do the math!   more »

and she's got the curly weave on her head to prove it! I went home recently and Anna Dean (my momma's momma) had a head full of curly fries sitting on her dome. Then she tried to kiss my best friend Marty in the mouth--with her tongue. Man, either her medicine is too heavy or way too weak!   more »

and it's wreaking havoc on our telephone conversation these days. So last night, she had my brother's kids at the house and y'all know--when you got kids around--and you wanna talk juicy gossip--you gotta "alter" your conversation! Cause kids are like sponges and they soak up everything. So my momma decided to spell her words to me--except that she can't spell... so our conversation didn't go quite as planned!   more »

even in places that he ain't! Y'all know my son been doing a little 'baby modeling' and he pops up all over the place, JC Penny's portrait studio, Target department store... but he ain't never been on the side of a damn bus! My uncle swears he saw Andrew on the side of a bus in Houston no less. Then my grandmother claims she saw his photos at Wal Mart. I tried to tell her he's never posed for the discount super store--but she was certain. She got cataracts and probably thought the little white girl with the pink bow was my baby...   more »

After all, Christmas is HIS birthday! But we all get caught up in buying gifts for er'rebody else except HIM. This year, I'm starting a new tradition--if it ain't your birthday--you don't get no gift. And since nobody I know is born on December 25th, the only birth we'll be celebrating at my house is Jesus'! This could brand me as either deeply spiritual--or really cheap (both actually are true)...   more »

as far as my momma is concerned. Shawn and I were making out our wills and I told him I wanted to be cremated, didn't want to be resuscitated (like he'd actually TRY to keep me alive), and we decided to will Andrew to his Godparents. My momma went through the roof and threatened to sue me!   more »

must be completely out of her mind! She called me the other day and said that next Christmas, she wants our ghetto family to have a Red & White Ball for the holiday season. That would be great except 1) white won't be in season; 2) you shouldn't put big women (of which my family has many) in white at any time for any reason; and 3) half our family may be in jail by then...   more »

when I was home recently--he had some aluminum foil that he bought--it was SO thin, it looked like clear cling wrap. We ain't even gonna talk about the one-ply toilet paper or the canned goods that I think (I'm 99.9% sure) came from the food shelf. Ain't no Libby's or DelMonte canned goods in his cabinets--everything just says exactly what it is "beans" or "green beans" and it's in white paper and the labels are written in crayon. And I'm guess that's why he's sitting on a load of cash...   more »

Why is it that black folks love clowning at funerals? We just do--ti's like "lights, camera, action"--somebody just jump on in that casket. OK, I'm gonna need someone in aisle three to pass out--and can we get a shouter in the second quadrant of the church please! This reminded me of a blog I did in early February about my grandmother--the lady we call "The Funeral Bandit"--she's always good for a cry, a shout and a stiff passing out--whether she knows the deceased or not!   more »

to say today--but nothing was funnier than what my cousin DeMarquis told me on the phone yesterday. So he's going on and on about how hard he works--so I told him "Hey Negro, I work hard too--it's hard work spending all my husband's money--eating ice cream all day and laying up--gaining weight." He replied, "Alright, don't gain too much weight, otherwise you're going to lose your job! Shawn will lay you off and put an ad in the newspaper to find somebody else to take your position. Somebody younger--for less pay!"   more »

is the reason I don't like to read now! I'm trying to raise Andrew differently, 'cause I grew up sitting in front of a black and white TV for most of the day--we ain't do no library time--no story time--well, I take that back--story time was "soap opera story" time! Which is why at 5 years old I could pick Victor Newman and Erica Cane out of a photo line up.   more »